Joe Eaton is the Greatest Actor Ever: ROC won war over Japan

I am laughing too hard to blog today, because everyone is sending around this absolutely hilarious video from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs about how everyone owes a debt to the ROC for its victory in the War against Japan. Lucky they pulled the US' chestnuts out of the fire, eh? Take a five minute break, which will either render you LMAO at the hilarious boners in here, or fired up at the hypocrisy and lies. Either way, I'm sure you will admire Joe Eaton's ability to deliver these lines with a completely straight face.

The other videos on that channel TRENDING TAIWAN are pretty much the same: for amusement purposes only.

More seriously, it's pretty clear the ROC government is pushing hard on this WWII anniversary and on enlarging its role, as an important component of its perceived legitimacy -- perceived inside the ROC bubble world, that is. Academia Historica just hosted a symposium on it, where they found an American scholar -- another example of how foreigners validate in Taiwan -- to tell them about how it was really the ROC and not the Communists who saved China in WWII. Of course missing from all this narrative is the story of the Taiwanese who fought in the Japanese Army.

Against the ROC.

UPDATE: I should note that videos like this produced by MOFA are not aimed at outsiders. Their audience is quite specific: the Deep Blue bureaucrats above the bureaucrats who actually produced this video. This is merely the KMT praising itself. All the videos in that channel are awful, but this one is bad beyond belief.
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Some Comedy

Dogs on bike paths *sigh*

This is an actual news report of an actual upcoming event:

In order to provide people of foreign nationalities in Taiwan with the best tax experience and to prevent false receipts or unidentified sources of information, the National Taxation Bureau (NTB) of Taipei, Ministry of Finance (財政部臺北國稅局) is holding a talent show to promote taxation awareness on Nov. 9 in Daan Park at 1:30 p.m.

The Ministry of Finance invites foreigners over 14 years of age who are not native speakers of Mandarin to come and give performances related to paying taxes, all in Mandarin. Performances include story-telling, singing, rapping, comedy and mimicry.

Besides foreigners performing on stage, there will also be well-known street performers to open the show. Other events include tax-related academic games with prizes and gifts to hand out, tasty food and DIY handicrafts.

In the wake of the Ting Hsin food scandal, this joke is again making the rounds...

An American, a Russian, and a Japanese are exploring the jungle when they are set upon by cannibals.

The American guy says: "Oh, I am all fat. No meat at all. Not good for you." But the cannibals eat him anyway.

The Russian guy says: "My flesh is soaked in alcohol. You don't want me, tastes terrible." But the cannibals eat him anyway.

The Japanese guy says: "I'm Taiwanese."

The cannibals don't eat him.
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Haha

A clever bilingual pun.
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Can't find yourself? Can't find a job? Have I got the company for you!
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Found in Gmail

This is not a joke or fraud. I actually saw this in the Google ads above my Gmail today. A Chinese hacker peeved at Japanese influence in Taiwan? A Taiwan independence enthusiast creating cultural difference? A Google ad rep who has never looked at a map of Asia? You make the call.
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"Swim across the Pacific Ocean"

Here are the directions I got today in Google Maps when I typed TAIWAN and CHINA in the GET DIRECTIONS function. My Mark I eyeball says it gives directions from geographical center to geographical center.

UPDATE: Try your own combinations! For Ireland/UK, it instructs you to take a ferry, while from France to the UK, go straight at the Chunnel. For Norway to UK, drive to Denmark and "turn left". Hilarious.
UPDATE II: For Japan it is the priceless "Jet ski across the Pacific!!!"

UPDATE III: US to Japan asks you to kayak it, and if you do Taiwan-Japan-US, you get all three! also produces kayaking for US cities and tokyo to Honolul. ROFL.
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How Taipei Sees Taiwan

Found on Facebook.
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Taiwan Court Expertise Expands

Gotta love those Taiwan courts. First they claimed expertise in English grammar, now they have knowledge of exorcism that puts clergymen to shame....

Four clergymen were ordered yesterday by the Taoyuan District Court to face a detention of 30 to 40 days for injuring a woman during an attempted "spiritual healing" of her.

The priests allegedly used bed linens to bind the woman when trying to exorcise evil spirits from her, following the same practices as seen in the movie "The Exorcist."

Refusing to accept this kind of healing, the woman got hurt while struggling to become free.

The four clergymen were invited to expel evil from the woman by her younger sister, who thought something must be wrong with the woman, as she liked to stay home alone.

Now, you or I might agree that the priests were out of hand, and pointed to small problems like the failure to obtain the consent of the possessed, or the use of violence against another human being. We might also have had a few tart questions for the gendered nature of the conclusion that exorcism was necessary (would a man who liked to be alone have been construed to be possessed?). But our Taiwan courts, heroic in their omniscience, gave the real reason why the priests had to be jailed: they were incompetent exorcists.

Taoyuan District Court ruled to have the priests detained for 30 to 40 days, on the grounds that exorcising evil spirits does not require such violent practices.

See? If only they had asked the judge first, he would have told them how to handle the exorcism properly.

[Taiwan]