China Launches Moon Mission

(Beiing, AFP) As Chinese rovers roamed its surface, China claimed the moon today. A foreign ministry spokesman said: "Everyone knows that ancient Chinese texts from the Later Han mention the moon. Indeed, the moon is a staple of Tang poetry. Since Chinese were the first to see the moon, it belongs to China."

Chinese netizens cheered as the historical wrong of China not owning the moon was finally righted. "Everyone knows the One China policy includes the moon," affirmed one netizen. Another netizen noted that the moon could be seen from Taiwan prior to industrialization there, and since Taiwan was part of China, that meant the moon was part of China. Other netizens voiced complaints: "The moon is an airless, waterless wasteland. Why doesn't the government claim some place useful, like Venus or Mars?" Chinese officials hasten to reassure the public that the time was not yet right for talks with Venus. "Those who say that Venus is not Chinese are playing with fire," an official spokesman warned.

In Washington, GOP officials criticized the Obama Administration. "The President hasn't flown B-52s around the moon yet," they said, adding that "Liberal talk that there is no air in space is just Vacuum Alarmism."

In related news, China announced an ADIZ around the moon, Jupiter, and several nearby stars. China refrained from expanding its ADIZ to Pluto, explaining that since Pluto was no longer a planet, it had lost its attractiveness. "Besides," a foreign ministry official said on condition of anonymity, "everyone knows there's no oil and the fishing around Pluto is terrible. Frankly, the Malaysians can have it." Chinese officials are said to be working on a claim to the Crab Nebula, which, they say, appears in ancient Chinese texts.
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